Who Am I? Why Am I Here?

When I read blogs, I often find myself wondering about the blogger's background. So, I figured that's where I'd start.

I'm a Texan- born and raised. I was born in Dallas, but I got out of there after just a month. I spent a couple years in Austin and Little Rock, but I don't remember anything about them, seeing as I was still crawling and barely talking when I lived there. Houston became home when I was a little older than three (hence, the anti-Dallas bias).

I had a middle class upbringing in the suburbs. Dad went to work every day. Mom stayed home and took care of the kids. I'm the oldest of three, two boys and a girl.

In middle school I was a pretty typical kid: I had friends, but was a little socially awkward; I wasn't terribly athletic; I had a some musical talent, but no real talent for art; I got average grades; Girls confused me. I was encouraged to apply myself harder in school, and once I did I found myself at the top of the class. Soon, I was getting a lot of attention for being "smart" and getting good grades. I quickly learned that the way for me to get attention and be liked was to be smart and intellectual, and for years I focused most of my energy and efforts on academic pursuits. Unfortunately, that meant the other aspects of me didn't develop as quickly or fully (social skills, athletic pursuits, artistic interests, etc.)

I did very well in high school. I went to Vanderbilt for college (I majored in Russian and Sino-Soviet studies and got good grades) and Emory for law school and business school (mediocre to good grades). Then I moved to New York City and pretended I was a big time corporate attorney, working on mergers and acquisitions and securities transactions.

I spent quite a bit of time in Moscow and St. Petersburg back in the late 80’s and early 90’s. I met an American woman in Moscow in 1994. We fell in love and got married. By the beginning of 2001, I thought I had it all: a good marriage, a good job, a nice apartment in lower Manhattan, and plans of kids a few years later.

Then
it
all
fell
apart.

In early 2001, my wife told me she wanted a divorce, and in a matter of days she was gone. A few months later I was in my apartment getting ready to go to work when a plane flew into the north tower of the World Trade Center, just a couple blocks north of where I lived. I ran out to the street to see what was happening. The second plane flew over my head and slammed into the south tower. I looked up and saw a giant fireball in the sky and debris falling to the ground and people running in every direction. I went back to my apartment to figure out what to do, and while I was there the towers fell- first the south tower, then the north tower. I couldn't see what was happening, but the noise and the shaking were overwhelming. I thought maybe a nuclear bomb had gone off... or the world was ending... or that I’d be dead in a matter of seconds...

In many respects I was dead. I began drinking like a fish and self-destructing. By the end of 2001, I had lost my marriage, I had lost my apartment, and my behavior would soon lead to the loss of my job. I was severely depressed and suffering from PTSD.

I drifted through the next few years, suicidal, hopeless, unable to function, and completely isolated. Finally, in 2006, I spent 10 weeks in in-patient treatment, and it saved my life. They picked me up, dusted me off, gave me a little confidence, and told me I could get on the horse and try to ride again. I've spent the past few years rebuilding my life, getting comfortable with myself again, and making new friends. These days I'm happy and grateful to be alive.

It isn't my goal to write in this blog about my recovery from depression and PTSD. I do that other places. However, September 11th and my recovery from it, had a major role in shaping who I am today, and I would be leaving out a large part of my story if I didn't mention it.

I expect this blog to focus mostly on adult topics, with a smattering of entries about what's going on in my daily life.

Well, that's who I am. I hope I've piqued your interest and you'll stick around as the blog gets off the ground.

Tex